


Emptying a Lemon Heart

by 3wisellamas



Category: Adventure Time
Genre: F/M, also LSP has the biggest dick energy possible, don’t do crimes kiddos even if she makes them look cool, moral of the story is that you should never ever give Lemongrab salad dressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 07:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16300808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3wisellamas/pseuds/3wisellamas
Summary: A Lumpygrab date.  Intended as a sequel to my other Lemongrab date fic, Double-Date, but can easily be taken on its own as well.





	Emptying a Lemon Heart

Lemongrab unlocked his phone again.  The text from her was still on the screen, and he checked the name she mentioned in it against the one on the sign above him: “Salad and Breadsticks” in large letters, with “We Literally Make Nothing Else” in a smaller typeface below it.  He was at the correct meeting place, and ten minutes early. Alas, without his date in sight.

It was twenty minutes before she finally arrived, draped in her finest plastic bag and dangling an empty bean can from some string as a purse.  Lemongrab scanned her less-than-regal attire and groaned internally, though was careful not to make a sound in front of the princess -- a difficult feat for him, but still manageable.

Lumpy Space Princess, meanwhile, was significantly less pensive about her arrival.  She caught Lemongrab studying her dress. 

“Aah, you like it!”  She posed a little for her date.  “I really hoped you would, I made all this myself!”

Lemongrab made a noise somewhere between a groan and a whine in acknowledgement.

“I’m not gonna brag, but like, fashion is one of my many talents.  Like, I’m secretly super good at it, huh?” She grabbed one of Lemongrab’s arms and wrapped hers around it.  “Shall we, babe?”

He reflexively pulled his arm back, but then, after considering the situation for a second, he gently mirrored LSP’s action, allowing as much contact as he was comfortable with.  “...Yes. We shall.” 

 

\--

 

They were doing it right the second time around.  A proper restaurant, eating on a solid, clean table rather than a picnic blanket.  Upon being shown to their table, LSP even yanked the tablecloth off and shoved it right into the waiter’s hands to be taken out of their sight.  Better safe than sorry.

“I’m so glad you agreed to go on another date with me!”  LSP absent-mindedly fidgeted with her purse string as she talked.  “Like, I couldn’t stop thinking about that big war, and when we sang that song together to make the big red baby guy go away, and when we shared that kiss…”  She swooned, finally allowing a break in her speech.

Lemongrab just listened quietly as he looked at the menu, trying to figure out what it meant by “salad dressing.”  Did they...clothe the salad? He wasn’t even sure how that was accomplished, but made a mental note to order it and see.

"I still don't know how I ended up with someone like you.  Like, I know the hottest girl in Ooo is destined to be with the hottest guy in Ooo, but  _ how were you even single _ when we started dating?"

Her face suddenly lit up.  "Oh my gosh, were you on the heels of a massive breakup?  I can't believe I’m so lucky!" She slammed a hand down on the table, startling him with the sudden sound.  "You have to tell me every. Juicy. Detail!"

"It was...not a breakup."  Well, it was at first, but then it had been more of a...put-together?  

The memory was not one he wanted to entertain for long, though.  He blinked, but it only made his eyes wetter, and he hoped desperately that she wouldn't notice...

She did.  "Oh no, wait.  If it wasn't a breakup...Oh my glob, did you lover actually  _ die? _ "

This was also inaccurate, though a little closer to the truth.  And it might just end this awful conversation that had somehow started.  Lemongrab gave a tiny nod, and LSP gasped.

"Aaah, that's so sad!  I'm, like, so sorry if I made you relive the moment of their tragic death or something..."  Her tone softened. "Hey...really, I'm sorry. You probably don't wanna talk about this, do you?"

"No."

"You really should, though.  Like, it might help..."

"I don't want to talk about this.  It..." He not-so-discreetly wiped his eyes with his sleeve.  "It stresses me out." 

The conversation finally stopped, as he’d hoped.  The waiter came to a nearby table with a tray full of drinks, and LSP caught his sleeve as he passed.

“Hey, guy, what’s taking so long?!  We wanna eat already!”

The waiter sighed at this breach of protocol, but set down his tray and took out a notepad for their orders anyway.  He turned to Lemongrab first, who ordered the plainest salad possible, with nothing but lettuce and a few carrots for color.

“Of course, sir.  Dressing on that?”

“Yes.”  The waiter paused expectantly, but LG did not elaborate, instead just turning in his menu.  He turned next to LSP, who just handed her menu back immediately.

“Same, whatever.”  LSP gestured to the center of the table.  “Just bring the breadsticks! I’m like, starving!”  She pouted as the waiter left. “Ugh, sometimes you’ve gotta push to get what you want out of somebody.”

“Yes,” LG repeated.  He hummed nervously, knowing that another uncomfortable conversation was imminent.  He didn’t want to talk about himself, as she had prodded him to before. He had just wanted...to be with her? 

He wasn’t sure why that feeling filled him with an immense, familiar sense of dread.  Or, rather, he knew exactly why, but blocked it from his mind.

The waiter returned to bring water and breadsticks.  LSP immediately grabbed and bit into one, which was far chewier than expected.  “Oh, gross! Hey,” she chucked it right at the waiter, three tables down, “These breadsticks are gross!  Bring us fresh ones already!”

She groaned, but then grabbed another breadstick out of the basket and nibbled at it.  “They’re really good though, oh my Glob.”

Lemongrab tried one as well, but couldn’t even get one bite down.  They were seasoned. He simply rolled his eyes and carefully placed it onto his folded napkin, pushing the basket over to a delighted LSP.

“Hey, so I, uh…”  She tried to start the conversation again.  “I couldn’t wait to see you again, after that war.  Like, I know we were perfect together before, but...I think we really connected then.  I really think we were, like, totally made for each other!”

“...I wanted to see you again too.”  It was not a lie, that kiss he’d shared with her had been replaying in Lemongrab’s head ever since.  But, he still couldn’t force any emotion into his statement, not after her final statement. 

He wasn’t made for her, he had been made for…

It was difficult, but Lemongrab fought the urge to bail on this date as well.  “Can we talk about something else?”

“Okay then...”  She paused. “...Is...something wrong?  You’re, like, really quiet tonight.” 

LG’s eyes widened slightly, and he bashfully turned away.  LSP’s mood dropped. “Babe? I know something is, you don’t have to hide it for me, to be all macho and stuff.”

LG grunted.  “I want to talk about something else.”

“You always wanna talk about something else!”

LG grunted again, turning it into a frustrated scream about halfway through.  “N-No! I refuse to speak! A-About what is wrong! No talking!”

His date was unfazed by the increase in volume, though.  “Not even to me?”

“NO!”  

She frowned.  “Okay, I was right, you’ve got some serious problems with intimacy!”  

Lemongrab bared his teeth and slammed his hands on the table.  

“Just tell me why you don’t wanna open up your heart to me already!”

“BECAUSE I…”  He caught himself, turning his face completely away from LSP, forbidding her to look at it anymore.  “I...I care about you,” he finally squeaked out.

LSP’s jaw dropped.  She hadn’t expected him to finally confess his undying love for her so quickly, especially after his bristly behavior before!  

“Look, Lemonbabe...I know you’re, like, this super bad boy with a dark and terrible past and everything, but you gotta talk to me, okay?  Tell me why you’re so tormented inside.”

“I care about you,” he repeated, any rage in his voice gone.  “A-A lot. That...is why I cannot. I cannot hurt you, like I...like I…”  

He was interrupted by the waiter again, this time to bring the salads.  At first Lemongrab was relieved he didn’t have to voice his deepest, most unacceptable feelings anymore, and gladly began to recompose himself, but stopped when he saw the milky goop drizzled all over his food.

“Wh-What is this?”  He picked up the bowl to look closer.

“It’s, uh, your salad, sir.”  The waiter coughed nervously. “With dressing.  You didn’t specify any so we gave you our house dressing.”

“Try it!” LSP interrupted, her dinner beginning to take her mind off of the tense atmosphere from before.  “Their dressing is, like, really good! I always take some when they throw it away every night!” The waiter glanced at her in alarm, but didn’t otherwise react.

Lemongrab poked one of his leaves, dabbing a tiny drop of the dressing onto his finger, which he then placed on his tongue...and spit out violently.

“GROSS!”  He threw the entire bowl -- salad, dressing, and all -- to the ground, right onto the waiter’s shoes.  Suddenly, LG’s volume raised 40 decibels. “Replace my salad with another IMMEDIATELY! And with no goo!  NO GOO!!” His final declaration echoed throughout the now-silent restaurant as the waiter hurriedly scooped up the mess and ran back to the kitchen.  It didn’t take long to throw together a replacement for his simple meal, and the two were finally able to eat together in only a few minutes.

With the salads finished, though, LSP took the offensive once again.  

“I still wanna know what you’re not telling me.”

“No.”  Lemongrab delicately placed his uneaten breadstick in his empty bowl.  “Y-You do not wish to know.”

“Yes I do!”  She groaned loudly.  “Why do you think I kept trying to ask you stuff tonight?  I know everything about me, but I don’t know  _ anything _ about you!”  She slumped forward.  “You even deleted your dating profile, so I can’t look at it anymore.”

She moved her hand towards him, but he pulled away instinctively.  “...May I?” Lemongrab gave his permission, allowing her to gently lay her hand on his.  “I wanna know. I can handle it.”

“You...are sure?”  She nodded. “It hurts.  To know.” 

“I don’t care.”  Time to turn on the drama.  It had worked on the battlefield, after all.  “It only hurts more to keep that stuff in, my darling lad.  You can’t do that to your heart. Or else, how can you have any room in it, for mine?”

“...Okay.”  He took his hand back and closed his eyes, trying to figure out the best place in his long life to start.  Perhaps, like any good story, all the way at the beginning.

LSP took the opportunity to grab another breadstick, excitedly gnawing at it in anticipation.   _ Oh Glob.  Here we go.  He’s finally gonna tell me his tragic backstory! _

Halfway through his story, LSP stopped chewing on her breadstick, just holding it limply in her hands.

Three-quarters of the way through his story, Lemongrab was speaking through sobs, inelegantly and ineffectively wiping the tears streaming down his face.

When he finally finished, LSP let her half-gnawed breadstick fall, with a loud clatter breaking the silence as it hit the floor.  She couldn’t think of any response to even a fraction of the things she’d just heard.

The waiter finally brought a new, fresh basket of breadsticks, laying it between them without bothering to acknowledge the scene.  In between his sobs, Lemongrab again pushed it to his date.

She finally found something to break the silence.  “So, you...and your brother...are like…” 

He nodded.

“And...PB, was like…”  She gestured out the missing words as best she could.  “With...your arm? Wow. What the actual stuff.”

“I just…I keep getting reminded of all of it.”  He averted his gaze from her yet again, so that she wouldn’t see a fresh tear.  “Everything I do is the same. The same memories replay. It makes no difference what I do, how much time passes.  I am...broken.”

“Lemongrab…”  LSP touched his hand again.  For the first time, he didn’t flinch.  “Look, here’s how I see things that are broken.  I, like, don’t really think about them that way?”  She paused for a second to let him wipe away that tear.  “I mean, you never know. Maybe it’s meant to be that way.  Or, maybe it’s better. You just gotta look at it from a different point of view.”

“I am not better like this.”

“Look, LG, I sleep in a log.  But, it’s not broken to me, it’s just...me-sized.  And…” She brought her other hand onto the one of his she held, anything to bring him a tiny bit more comfort.  “You’re not broken to me. You just haven’t met someone who thinks you’re fine, or who...loves you, like you are...”

That word, “love.”  Another memory emerged; he’d read it in a book, and asked his Mother Princess what it meant.  He didn’t understand her reply. Then, he’d asked if she loved him. He never got an answer.

“LSP, even..even with knowing e-everything…”  He took a few deep breaths. “D-do you…lo...love me?”  Just hearing himself ask that sent Lemongrab into yet another panic, and he seriously considered excusing himself from the date once again.

But, this time he got a reply.  “I do love you, LG. Just as you are.”  The panic was gone immediately. “Thank you for talking to me.”

LG just stared at her, blushing a light green and with a tiny, uncharacteristic smile.  She was right, his heart did feel a little less heavy.

“You know, I…” she started, “I’ve been eating a lot of really sour candy after we, you know, had that first kiss.  I think I’m ready if you want to...uh...try it again?”

“I...I would like that.”  Lemongrab’s smile grew.

“Ahem,”  the waiter tried to get their attention.  “Are you finished with your-”

“ _ Oh my gosh LUMP OFF _ !!  We’re having a moment!”

“I-I agree!  LUMP OFF!!” Lemongrab’s sudden switch from calm murmer to deafening shriek set the entire restaurant, including his date, momentarily on edge once again.  But, LSP’s delight at him using her Lumpy slang was worth it.

“Uh, then, I’ll...I’ll be back with your check in a minute, sir.”

Lemongrab held up his palm.  “There is no need. The check will be placed on Mother Princess’ tab.”

“I’m sorry sir.”  The waiter motioned for LG to lower his hand, which went completely ignored. “She closed that tab three weeks ago, and we’re under strict royal orders  _ not _ to re-open it.”  Lemongrab’s eyes widened.  “I’ll be back with your check,” the waiter repeated in a smug tone as he left.

Lemongrab slammed his head onto the table and groaned.  He had no clue how to pay a check himself, now that his usual method was unavailable.  

LSP still had his hand in both of hers, and tugged at it lightly to get his attention.  “Hey, come on. Let me show you something.”

“What?”

“I do this all the time.  Follow me.” She picked up her bean can purse and looked around to make sure no one was watching, then floated out of her chair.  “Hurry up, LG!” she hissed back at him, and he followed. 

The two quietly, unassumingly walked right out the front doors of the restaurant.  

 

\---

 

“Okay, we did it!”  LSP laughed in triumph as they rounded the street corner, to LG’s confusion.  “We totally stole their food, and they didn’t even notice we never paid!”

“...Stole?”

“Yeah LG!  You dined and dashed like a pro!  My bad boy...” She grabbed his hand again, dismayed when he flinched once more at the sudden touch but relieved when he mimicked the action and grabbed hers instead.

“So, um…”  Lemongrab groaned, unsure of how to form the question he wanted to ask.   After a few seconds he finally found the words. “Are we still going to...kiss again?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”  She puckered her lips...but nowhere close to the extent she puckered as they touched his once again.  

“...still not ready…” she muttered as she slowly recovered, burying her clenched face in his chest in a desperate attempt to lessen the sourness.

Lemongrab didn’t even notice.  Nor did he notice that LSP now held him very close and tight in her arms, much of his entire upper body being touched at once.

“I love you,” he muttered in a tiny, almost imperceptible voice, with a vacant smile on his face.


End file.
